


double standards

by jonphaedrus



Category: Hellsing
Genre: F/M, hellsing secret santa 2014, modern non-supernatural au, pip is an asshole and one of these days alucard is going to have an aneurysm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-03 13:58:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2853317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jonphaedrus/pseuds/jonphaedrus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Which was why he was currently remarkably disapproving about the state of affairs that he had walked in on. Normally, he would have thought this was hilarious, but it was Christmas. They had a reputation, and this was not encouraging it to be a good one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	double standards

**Author's Note:**

  * For [majahrann](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=majahrann).



> this is a hellsing ss gift for majahrann on tumblr for the exchange winter of 2014. i'm a bit rusty with hellsing, so i apologise ahead of time. this ended up being really fun though!!

On the list of things that Alucard did not want to have to see at his Boss’ Company Christmas Party (TM), pretty high up was drunken subordinates, mostly because they were an independent security firm, dammit, and he liked getting paid very good money based on his very good reputation.

Which was why he was currently remarkably disapproving about the state of affairs that he had walked in on. Normally, he would have thought this was hilarious, but it was Christmas. They had a reputation, and this was not encouraging it to be a good one.

Staring down at Seras Victoria, who had the right attitude in looking a) abashed and b) remorseful, Alucard sighed, picked up his hat, and rubbed a hand through his hair.

It would have been a lot easier if Bernadotte wasn’t standing right next to her, wearing only Seras’ uniform. What looked good on her was, frankly, just a little bit absurd on him, especially considering that his biceps were bulging comically out of the sleeves. 

“Look,” Alucard finally got out, steadfastly ignoring the grin he could feel being levelled at the back of his head by his employer (she would), and pointed at the both of them with his hat. “We’re on duty. _All_ of us, and that includes you, Bernadotte.”

“Oh, mon ami,” Bernadotte replied, and then ran both his hands down his body lasciviously (Seras was snickering, and Alucard genuinely had to resist stepping on her foot, even though that was beneath him) and waggled both his eyebrows at Alucard, “Are you sayin’ zhat I cannot work while dressed like zhe lovely Zeras?”

“No,” Alucard replied, glaring at Bernadotte with a look that should have made him cower, “But I am saying that people may not take you seriously if you are dressed like Seras. On her, it is a uniform. On you, it is borderline indecent.” Really, the skirt fit Seras fine (especially since she always wore shorts under it), but on Pip, a few inches taller, it showed…a remarkably worrying amount of thigh, especially for a Christmas party where there were _children_ involved.

“Sir,” Seras apparently decided that this was the time to stick her neck out, and even when Alucard turned to her with a look that could kill she barely quailed, standing up manfully in the face of his eldritch anger. “I’m not inappropriate, am I?” 

There it was, the crux of his problem: Bernadotte’s coat and other clothes were too large for her, which would make combat difficult, but were not indecent. No, it was just…something a bit unusual. Alucard himself was no stellar example of combat-ready clothes, but his coat was cut the way it was to hide a truly worrying amount of weaponry. He was sure Seras was using hers for very much the same thing at the moment but. Seriously. Still. 

“No,” Alucard finally choked. It came out an octave higher than he would have liked it to, and he could feel Walter snort. Literally could feel him. “No.” Pip was still grinning at him with that smile that just reeked of being far, far too prepared for this sort of thing. Alucard couldn’t tell him to change without telling Seras to change, especially since Bernadotte wasn’t (technically) his employee. 

He just ended up settling for sighing, putting his hat back on his head, and pinching the bridge of his nose, before saying:

“Couldn’t you have done this at Halloween?”

Pip just laughed at him.

 


End file.
